the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
