my mouth tastes like poor choices
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
