dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
