Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
