...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
