I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
