I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry my hands just texted you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
