I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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