I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
