i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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