just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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