the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That was an excessively violent trivia night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
