when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
