I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
