so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
