We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
