he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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