What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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