This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
