I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The air taste purple.
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