My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
