whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
