what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
