I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
