She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
