Soap is not a condiment
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
