i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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