giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
