I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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