i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The power of my boobs compel you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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