watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
