So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My feet surprised me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
