he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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