Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
