I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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