Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
