did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
