I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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