so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
