My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
