Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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