Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
