i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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