I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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