2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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