Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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