I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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