I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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