He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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