don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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