i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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