I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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