were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
