she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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