Just fell off a train. Bad.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
