I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
