The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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