Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
