I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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