yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
