you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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