Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
