i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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