I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
