I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
