is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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