I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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