if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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