I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
