Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
